My English Teacher used to tell me that in order to write well, you must know what you are writing about. And I believed her. For now, this is what I KNOW.

I’ am 21 years old and I’ve fallen deeply in love with a guy for the first time. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been in and out of 6 different relationships, all of it didn’t work out and neither did it last long. All ended for the same reasons. I wasn’t good enough for them, so off they go and searched the globe for the almost perfect girl who’s not afraid to feel. It wasn’t partly their fault. I must admit that it has something to do with me too.

I never believed in LOVE. I spent all my past years denying and questioning the existence of LOVE. A cynic to the core you may say. Just right after my mom and dad got separated something deep inside me was missing. And it was hard for me to figure out what was really missing. It’s as if I was afraid to be shattered even more. I denied myself to love and to be loved. Somehow I lost myself in the process of healing and forgetting the awful past. I’ve build an invisible wall between me and the rest of the world. Somehow, it wasn’t strong enough, it came crashing down on me as I try to find myself by working in a BPO support company. I was surrounded by loving people, who were not afraid to feel and to reach out with everybody else. There was this certain guy who made me lost all my defenses. That no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to shut him out, he always got through me. And now the scared little girl that I’ am was no longer scared to feel and to love. Surely, it took me long enough to find a guy who gives justice to the words “I LOVE YOU”.

No matter how much I wanted to give in and to let myself go with the current, the remnants of my invisible wall is still there, slowly building itself on its own. The cynic in me is still there, lurking and waiting. And somehow I unintentionally hurt the one that I love. He was crushed as I walked my path through self and love discovery. I almost, almost lost him in the process. Even sorry couldn’t vague the mean words that I’ve said. The damage has been done, and there’s nothing else we could do but to start again, to save the relationship we’ve both invested in.

I’m just so glad that no matter what I did, he still found it in his heart to forgive me and to give me another chance to make it up. Funny, I myself doesn’t believed on second chances but here I’ am asking him for one. It’s true they say, that when you fall so deep you will do everything on the off chance to save whatever relationship you have at the moment. I have a lifetime of regrets before and now my regrets are down to one. And that is hurting the one that I love.

Looking back now, after he said he’d forgiven me, it suddenly dawned on me that I have already found what has been missing all these years. It’s FAITH, FORGIVENESS, and TRUST and most of all LOVE. Now, I could say I’ AM A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON but still the same girl who made him fall in love.

9:12 PM charm88Y

okaayy.. I'm officially bored.

It all started yesterday when i was on my way home, sitting on the bus for 7 long hours. I thought it would just passed me by so I shrugged it off and tried reading "eclipse" instead. "Tried" is the perfect word to described it since my trying gets me nowhere. And my boredom, no my loneliness rather just got more severe. Anyway, I found myself pulling out my cellphone and started typing like crazy. I need someone to talk to anyway, i mean someone "MATURE" enough to put some sense into my head. Kuya Alex's was the better option.

Me: Why does relationships have to be so hard?
Alex: Ano na naman ba problema mo? Gusto mo sau na lahat. Dati borderline tapos sumunod Anorexic ka nadagdagan ng paranoid tapos ngayon gusto mo schizo naman. Ano next, sexual disorder?
Me: I'm serious! How did you handled being alone? I mean being away from her for so long?
Alex: Trust and Love. Alam mo kasi hindi porket maaasign boyfriend mo sa malayo eh katapusan na ng relasyon nyo. Umpisa pa lang yan. Pagsubok lang. In the long run both of you will benefit from it. Kayang kaya mo yan sa umpisa lang mahirap.
Me: I'm scared.
Alex: Don't be. If he really loves you then there's nothing to be scared of.
Me: Am i being selfish here? i mean not being excited for him and all that?
Alex: Ang selfish eh yung pinapili mo sya between you and his work. Hindi ka selfish, nanibago ka lang.

I don't know where the fear's coming from. I know for a fact that he loves me, and hurting me isn't on his mind either. Maybe it's because I'm afraid of getting my heart broken, like before. And i was afraid to be vulnerable again. Anyway, I have decied to look at the brighter side of things and stop and think about the wonderful things i have realized and learned while i was on the bus.

1. I learned that worrying is good it just shows how much you value that person, but worrying too much can be a bad thing.
-because i'd refused to discussed about his plans, of course all kinds of thoughts go into my head. And sometimes worrying too much about something is not a good thing at all! I'd learned that over assessing will not help you in some ways. Our minds is our biggest enemy, when we end up thinking and worrying something instead of trusting our partners we end up comfusing ourselves for no reasons at all! kaya pag nagwo-worry ka, talk about it with your partners. :)

2. Relationship is about give and take. Not take and take.
-because he's done so much for me and I, being the bratty girlfriend never even had considered his needs. Being in a relationship desn't mean that you have to give up all your dreams so you can be with the one you love. Sometimes being away from each other gives you the freedom to grow and mature as a person.

Nuf said. :) i can write more and more things i learned but i think this post is quite long enough. I just want to stressed it out that I'am now okay with his plans. If he wants to go to Cagayan, it's okay with me. Someone once wrote that "when you give your heart to each other unconditionally that is true love. It's not a fairy tale life that never knows pain, but its two souls facing it together and diminishing it with unconditional love and when life starts getting harder, when things change, TRUE LOVE REMAINS THE SAME.."

12:41 PM charm88Y

Just so you know, the only thing I really want now is to see him smile and laugh. You know, hear him sing softly and I, the mean girlfriend silently wish he wont stop singing. Watch him get mad when I don't want to finished my food. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I miss him so much.

1:31 PM charm88Y

12:16 PM charm88Y

12:02 PM charm88Y

Finally the holidays are over! and finally I'm back here in Manila. Anyway my statement was met with a round of disbeliefs. The past Holiday was one of the longest break I've ever been on. Had i've still been a student i would gladly embraced the extended vacation. But however, i wanted it to end for some selfish reasons..

1. Too much food. My mom's stuffing so much food into my mouth. She's a great cook that's why i couldn't help it but pigged out. It's really difficult to lose weight when she's around me. Oh boy, ANOREXIA TIME!

2. I'm counting endless seconds, minutes, hours and days to see my boyfriend. See? it's been hard to be away from him for so long..

Nuff said.. :)

Anyway, being back here in Manila gave a lot of time to browse through my friendster and multiply account. And which made me realized just how fast things are going. And that the people I grow up with are now moving on to the next phase of life. It still shocks me though, i mean whenever I heard that some of my highschool or college batchmates are finally settling down with their partners for good.


Just last night i found out that Rona, my college friend and duty buddy got married already and they'll be having a baby soon. My Friendster and Multiply feeds are full of wedding albums! It makes me wonder if I'm getting left behind. After all 21 years old isn't exactly too young to settle down. But to think about it, I'm still blessed to have James. We still have years ahead of us.

I'm just too glad that I don't live on in the olden times where ladies are expected to marry and have kids at an early age because definitely i don't want to settle down.. not just yet..

10:31 AM charm88Y

10:29 AM charm88Y

Welcome to brattchick18.blogspot.com
I want to spend my life everywhere,
everywhere with everyone
one to one, always
forever, now..

Charmie A.
twenty two years old
when she's blabbing, she's really blabbing
Registered Nurse since Feb21,2008
obsessive-compulsive, dog lover
frustrated model and poet
writer in jeans and tees
who believes that life is full of wonderful things yet to be discovered
i only believe of HERE and NOW
a dreamer
a good friend
and LOYAL GIRLFRIEND






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"I want to draw something that means something to someone. Like when you go and see a really great band live for the first time and no one is saying it but everyone is thinking it. I want to draw that feeling but i can't.." -Peyton, One three hill

"People that are meant to be together always find their way in the end -Brooke Davis, One Three Hill

"Love is patient and kind, it is never jealous" -A walk to Remember

"You and I will pass away someday my love, but the love we've come to share will never die, it will live on and live it will.. -Celine, Maging sino ka man

"If your lucky, I mean the luckiest person in the world, the person you decide to love decides to love you back. -Nathan, One Three Hill

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb"-twilight

"You are my life now"-edward cullen, twilight

"Could you believe, despite all that I've put you through, that I love you, too?"-edward cullen, twilight
"At this moment there are six billion, five hundred and two million, eight hundred and sixty seven thousand, one hundred and twenty people in the world, give or take a few and sometimes all you need is one. For better or for worse."-Lucas Scott, One Three Hill